Dear Diary

This was my journal from June 2006 to November 2007. I picked it up at Barnes & Noble for about $8 with the hopes of writing a profound depiction of my life. I chose the red cover with black image as opposed to the black cover with red image because I thought it was so striking. I still think it is. But, today I’m gutting it. In the 2.5 years since I picked it up I was only able to fill up 1/4 of the pages – and most of them I’d be too embarrassed to go back and read myself, much less allow anyone else to skim for a glimpse of my innermost revelations.

I have no doubt that the lines are filled with juicy accounts of relationships past and troubled entries of struggles in my educational and emotional lives. But, looking at them now they are entirely irrelevant. Projects that no longer matter – I have the degree. Relationships that I grimace to think of the turmoil I endured – for no apparent and justifiable reason. Most of all, I realize that the dramas outlined on those pages aren’t really me at all. Sure, there may be a couple of entries that touch on “why I am the way I am” – but overall they’re a collection of other people and other places, without too much written about what I know and feel about my situation.

Chances are I’ll probably keep the covers and implant new signatures into it, either with another lined pad or sketch paper. It’s hard for me to part with any kind of book. In the mean time I’ve started a new journal (one that I made from scratch) that I’m not using to keep an account of daily arguments or little moments (“today I was walking to work and tripped on that stupid piece of sidewalk that juts out – always gets me!”), but the bigger ideas. Thoughts on art, books, religion, important events, politics, the way I live and see things. Maybe, just maybe it’ll turn into something I’d be excited to crack open in 20 years.

In the grand scheme of things, the most consistent and fulfilling journaling of a sort that I’ve ever done has been here on this blog. It’s gone through a couple of face-lifts and the subjects have varied widely, but in the 15+ months and 57 posts fleshed out here, I can see myself. Hopefully this year that will grow much larger! These are the things I think about and do, the things I want to think about and do. Of course, there are a couple of guest appearances, but it’s nice to really explore something that I expect to be interested in years from now.